


'Cause All My Life, I've Been Fighting

by Lethal_Dose



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Sorry guys, Sylvain Jose Gautier Needs A Hug, Sylvain Jose Gautier's Father's Bad Parenting, no beta we die like Glenn, this was written for an RP server
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27988185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lethal_Dose/pseuds/Lethal_Dose
Summary: "Love only left me aloneBut I'm at one with the silenceI found peace in your violence"- Silence (Marshmello)Modern AU, written for Garreg Mach University because I love making my friends suffer.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Glenn Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier
Kudos: 8





	'Cause All My Life, I've Been Fighting

**Author's Note:**

> So, you know how Miklan leaves Sylvain on a mountain? Yeah, that but modern. Most of the Felix stuff is taken from the absolutely amazing admin and Felix of GMU, and I adore her Felix with my entire soul. 
> 
> Content Warnings: Child abuse, illness, hearing loss.

Love only left me alone.

"Miklan?!" A broken voice cried out, hoarse from an hour or more of screaming, time having passed like sludge as the boy wandered down a muddy road in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields and unable to spot even a farmhouse, much less a main road. The boy had long since cried his eyes dry and aching, shivering violently as he held his soaked jacket tighter to his body, as though it would warm his drenched, freezing body. He had no concept of how long he'd been out in the backwoods of wherever Miklan had driven him to, despite not having his license yet (if he would ever get it, Sylvain wasn't sure). It had started raining after Sylvain had walked about a mile, and the inclimate weather had only slowed his pace. He was stopping every few minutes now to cough and shake, borderline hyperventilating but refusing to stop completely. He had thought that by now, he would have found his way to a main road, and hopefully been able to configure a way back home when he could see street signs. Now, though, he was lost in an endless landscape of corn stalks and fields, bisected by a dirt road that had quickly turned into mud. 

That, and his phone was — His phone! 

With trembling hands, Sylvain pulled his phone out of his pocket, trying to type out the number of the only person he could think to call. It was a Nokia, and he only had it for emergencies, but if he didnt use it, there was no way he'd get home, and Miklan would finally succeed in what he'd been trying to do for years now. With the fear of death firmly implanted in his brain, he punched in numbers and brought the phone to his ear. He hadn't thought to check the time, but if he had, he'd have seen that it was nearing 8:00 PM, far later than he had thought. Goddess, he hoped someone answered. 

"Hello?" Oh, thank god. The small, excited voice coming across the phone filled Sylvain with enough relief that he sobbed once, before trying to speak. 

"Can you ask Glenn to come pick me up? I don't— I don't know where I am, but it's past the horse track, maybe t-t-ten minutes now? I've b-b-been out walking since— I've been out since— Miklan left me here at three." He had completely stopped by now, shaking and trying to speak clearly enough for his shoddy cell service to keep him audible for Felix to hear. 

"Wait, you're where?! Glenn!" Felix could be heard screaming on the other line, presumably calling for Glenn to come take the house phone. He was still screaming, causing Sylvain to flinch and tense up, which didn't help his frozen muscles. He could still hear Felix yelling about how Miklan had dropped him off here, and that he wanted to go with Glenn to pick up Sylvain so he could kill Miklan— The irony of that was almost amusing, and if Sylvain had the capability to laugh, he probably would have. Instead, he just pushed the phone closer to his ear when he heard it change hands. 

"Sylvain, what's going on? Miklan left you somewhere earlier? Why didn't you call your dad?" The question itself was almost rhetorical, because even Glenn knew Sylvain would only call his father as a last resort. He didn't let Sylvain answer before continuing, and could be heard pulling on his jacket while Felix followed behind him, trying to convince Glenn to bring him along too. The older of the two was pointedly ignoring Felix as he spoke to Sylvain. "You're past the stables and the track, right? And if you're not near a road, he probably drove onto the property.. At least Mr Edmund doesn't care if I drive my truck down there.. Alright, Sylvain, I want you to stop walking, and get to the side of the road. It's going to take me probably twenty minutes to get there, how's your phone on battery?" 

This was the first time that Sylvain actually looked at his phone since calling the Fraldarius house, and breathed a shaky sigh of relief. "It's almost full. I'm gonna sit down, I think, I don't feel well.." He gave a weak laugh, trying to lighten up his own mood and the general circumstances. 

"I bet you do, you've been out there for— Five fucking hours, holy shit. Here, I'm giving the phone to Felix again, say your goodbyes so your phone doesn't die. When you hear a car coming, turn it on and wave it around so I can see you. Try to stand up if you can when you hear a car, but if you can't, wave your phone screen around as much as you can." Glenn was speaking quickly, panic edging at his voice while he rattled off directions and shoved the phone in Felix's direction and all but ran out the door. 

Felix's voice was a comfort to Sylvain, the shaky breath rushing out of him as he heard Felix starting to speak, and even he sounded panicked, which didn't inspire much confidence in Sylvain, but he was just relieved to hear his best friend's voice. He tried to laugh again, but it came with a wet cough, and a groan from the strain. "Hey, Fe, what's up?" He asked, voice wobbly. 

"Don't even start with that! I don't want to hear you say that stuff or cough like that!" Felix scolded, before his voice took on a more desperate edge. "You can't die. Okay? You're not going to die," Felix demanded, "We have a promise, and you can't die before I graduate highschool." The bar was set so low, but Sylvain appreciated the reality of the situation. Taking it a few steps at a time, Sylvain could feasibly survive until Felix's graduation. That was doable. 

"Glenn said we have to hang up, Fe, so I can't keep you on the line, even if I want to. I'm not going to die though, okay? Glenn's going to pick me up, and I'll probably just be out of commission for a few days," Sylvain soothed, trying to keep his voice as level and moderate as he could, doing his best to keep Felix from panicking, even though Sylvain had long since passed panic. "I'm going to hang up now, but I'll be okay, I promise. I'll try to come to your practice this weekend if I feel better, okay? I'll be cheering you on." He held back another cough, waiting until he heard Felix say his own goodbyes, and hung up the phone. The second the call ended, Sylvain coughed again, wincing at the feeling. He knew he wasn't making things easier on himself by sitting in the mud, but he was so tired and cold that it didn't matter to him, or maybe it just didn't register. No matter the reason, he nearly fell asleep on the side of the road. 

It was, as promised, less than twenty minutes before Sylvain was jarred out of his jumbled thoughts by the loud sound of a truck coming down the stretch of dirt road. Once the noise registered, he quickly turned on his phone and waved it around the best he could, which was a sluggish movement that dragged a white light in an arc over his head. Thankfully, it was enough to catch the attention of Glenn, who pulled to a stop beside Sylvain and got out, helping him stand and coaxing him to remove the jacket and hoodie he was wearing. Throwing them on the floor, he had Sylvain sit on a towel, and while he was shivering, Glenn couldn't turn the heat up. He knew, vaguely, that heating up someone cold too quickly could cause shock. It was hard not to just turn up the heat and help Sylvain stop shivering, though, and Glenn felt guilty that he couldn't help more. Sylvain was his little brother's best friend, and he had known the redhead since he'd first met Felix. It hurt his heart to see that Sylvain was getting treated this way, and by his older brother no less. It made Glenn's blood boil, and he was angry, but his heart utterly sunk when he heard Sylvain speak. 

"I know he doesn't like me, and I know he can't control the decisions he makes sometimes. But why does he do this? I love him, he's my brother, but he hates me. He left me there, and I walked almost the whole time. I don't get it, Glenn.." Sylvain's voice was meek, shaking like the rest of his body. He was nearly in tears, though his body had no more tears to cry.

Sylvain's coughing continued, and his shivering had only gotten more violent as they drove to Sylvain's home. It worried Glenn, but he didn't say anything about it. Instead, he drove silently, and pulled up to the Gautier residence. He parked the car, and unlocked the doors so Sylvain could get out. When he noticed that the younger was nearly asleep, he took the initiative to get out and help Sylvain walk into the house. He took a long, hard look at Sylvain's father, who was watching TV and sitting on the couch. He only turned around to see Glenn and Sylvain in his house, and raised a brow. He didn't even get a word in edgewise, before Glenn spoke. 

"Miklan left Sylvain down the stable road, and he was there for five hours. I had to go pick him up because Miklan tried to leave him for the birds. He's already got a fever, so I'd take him to the doctor if I were you." 

Glenn helped Sylvain get to the couch, where his father had already stood up to let him sit. The older boy leveled a look at Sylvain's father, before just gently ruffling Sylvain's hair and leaving. He needed to get out of there before he did something violent to Sylvain's father. 

After Glenn left, Sylvain sat quietly for a few minutes, before standing. Standing wasn't a lasting position, though, because after a mumbled, almost slurred, "I don't feel well", Sylvain crumpled to the floor, unconscious. 

\-------

I'm at one with the silence. 

As it turns out, Sylvain didn't make it to Felix's practice. The entire ordeal had happened on a Wednesday, but by Saturday afternoon, Sylvain was being driven to the emergency room, and his father was calling Rodrigue to notify him of what was going on. Sylvain's fever had spiked, hadn't gone down, he was doing poorly, et cetera. Rodrigue sounded less than pleased about the situation, knowing full well how Sylvain fell sick. Nevertheless, he sent Sylvain his well wishes, and mentioned that Felix wanted to come and see him. Mr. Gautier agreed, if they gave notice, so he could make sure Sylvain was conscious and lucid. 

Lucidity didn't come to Sylvain for another three days, and when he was finally clear-eyed, a whole new set of challenges presented themselves. 

It wasn't the weakness, the slowly returning appetite, or the fatigue. No, instead, Sylvain was constantly asking his father or the nurses to repeat themselves. Alongside that, he was constantly fussing with his ears, claiming they felt clogged or stuffed with cotton. The problems were infrequent at first, and the nurses sent Sylvain home with the advice to keep an eye on his hearing and reactions to things. Seemingly healthy, Sylvain went home without issue. 

...Until there was an issue. 

Felix visited almost three weeks after Sylvain was discharged from the hospital, to make sure Sylvain's sickness had fully passed, and to give him a chance to catch up on schoolwork. When he finally visited, Sylvain was ecstatic to see him. Felix, however, wasn't entirely pleased with what he found. Sylvain seemingly didn't understand him almost half the time, and Felix had to tap his shoulder, which caused him to flinch, which in turn made guilt fill Felix's stomach. He didn't want to scare Sylvain, but he couldn't exactly talk to Sylvain if the other didn't hear him, right? And Sylvain was apologetic every time it happened, which was more than believable, considering the sincerity in his voice and the way he frowned each time. He looked distraught that he was missing pieces of the conversation, but didn't say it outright. 

Felix, when leaving to use the bathroom, walked right up to Sylvain's father and said, rather seriously, that he needed to take his son to the doctor and test his hearing. Felix didn't know the most about anatomy just yet, but he knew something was wrong. 

Sylvain's father, dreading the school demanding a hearing test, got Sylvain to the doctor for a test before the school asked it of him. The test came back with results that weren't unexpected, but left Sylvain more shaken than he assumed he would be. The fever and illness he had contracted left him with mild to moderate hearing loss, which would never improve due to the type it was. The damage was permanent, and Sylvain would need hearing aids in the coming months. At first, Sylvain wanted to just deal with not hearing properly, but his father pushed for Sylvain to get hearing aids. At first, Sylvain wanted the most discreet pair of hearing aids he could get, but after being shown other options, he opted for a somewhat discreet pair that covered the ear canal but didn't fully rest inside of it. He didn't enjoy wearing them, but they were one of the more subtle options that had few negative points. 

Even with wearing them, Sylvain didn't enjoy it much, and would take them out any opportunity he could. He often took them out near the time he got into bed, and would take them out anytime he got overwhelmed by noise. This didn't always work, but did help more than once, so he stuck with it. 

A month or two passed since Sylvain had gotten the hearing aids, and for the most part, things were normal. He and Felix were having lunch in a mall food court, but after the entire morning being in the mall, Sylvain had pocketed his hearing aids and begun passing notes to Felix from a notebook he had for small lists and things in his jacket pocket. During the lunch break, Felix tapped the table and slid the notebook in front of Sylvain. The notebook read, in Felix's scrawling handwriting,

Why are you so calm about not having your hearing aids in? 

Sylvain read the note, shrugging. He was able to speak perfectly fine, and it wasn't completely silent, just unable to hear any voices clearly enough to understand them. So, he looked up, casual about the situation. 

"I'm not used to it yet, it'll probably take a while to get used to them, but I've accepted that it's not going to get any better. The doctors said that the damage is sensorineural, which is permanent, because it damages the hairs or something? I can't totally remember, but it's going to be my life from now on, so I have to accept it, right?" 

Felix frowned at his words, and took the notebook back to write something down, before scribbling it out and trying again. 

Well it doesn't look weird to wear them. I can help teach you to turn them down or something so you don't have to take them out all the time. 

This was quickly followed by another sentence, written faster. 

It's probably annoying so learning will make it easier and you'll get used to them faster by actually wearing them. 

The written notes made Sylvain smile and chuckle, but he didn't shoot it down. Instead, he just shrugged again, before speaking again. "Yeah, it's not the greatest thing, but you shouldn't have to learn about something that isn't mine." He pulled the pair out of his pocket, and set them on the notebook so they didn't touch the table. "They're not that complicated, and it's just going to take a little bit to figure everything out." Putting them back in his ears, he winced at the sudden influx of noise, but didn't take too long to acclimate, at least, not visibly. He dragged a french fry through ketchup and popped it into his mouth, before scooting the carton of fries towards Felix and motioning for him to take some. With some sense of normalcy replaced in the situation, the two of them were back to talking to each other, with Sylvain cracking a few jokes and trying to get a laugh out of Felix, who only rolled his eyes. 

\----------

I found peace in your violence. 

Kendo practice was apparently one of Felix's favorite things. He practiced nearly religiously, and on some weekends, Sylvain would join the younger to watch. He didn't know much, if anything, about the specifics of kendo, but it was nice to spend time with Felix anyhow. Watching him practice moves wasn't anything particularly unique, but the fact he could do this was special to him anyway. 

There were noises all around the studio, but they didn't bother Sylvain all that much. He was much more focused on Felix, watching his technique curiously. He'd never actually participated, despite his frequent visits to the studio to spend time with Felix, and to get out of the house. 

Getting out of the house might be one of the reasons he felt so at ease. Despite the noise and the fact that this was a combative physical activity, none of that caused Sylvain any trouble. In fact, coming here so often was helping him be less susceptible to jumping at every sudden noise, at least noises similar to the ones he heard every time he came here. 

Sylvain didn't like to bother Felix while he practiced, knowing that he was only a guest, and if he had questions, it would probably be best to wait to ask them until Felix took a break. So, he did, and waited until Felix stopped to get a drink to lean forward and smile, tilting his head in curiosity. "What was that last move, Fe?" He asked, shifting to sit a little more comfortably and listen to Felix answer his question. 

As Felix began to explain the move and what it was used for, Sylvain was listening with rapt attention, and though he didn't understand what quite a few of the things Felix said meant exactly, he was having an absolutely wonderful time learning. However, his lack of knowledge on the subject pushed him into asking more questions, and more, until Felix sat down and got him to quiet down so the younger of the two could actually answer all of the questions he was pelted with. Felix had noticed Sylvain really didn't know much at all, and started explaining things in more detail, which Sylvain greatly appreciated, and didn't ask more questions until Felix had finished. He was genuinely interested and excited to have the chance to learn about something Felix enjoyed so deeply, and from Felix himself no less! 

As Felix was sitting with Sylvain, he found himself with a question of his own, and had no qualms asking it. "Why are you so fine being here? It's loud," he finished, not knowing what else to say. It was so much more than just loud, but what was he going to say that would make that clear without being weird? 

"It's honestly peaceful here, as weird as that sounds. I guess it's because I know nothing bad will happen here, and we're away from most of the other people. It's easy not to be scared when I can sit with my back to the wall and focus on one single thing. Plus, you're a strong kid, you'll be able to beat me up in a year or two," Sylvain joked, reaching out to ruffle Felix's hair, accidentally causing some of it to fall loose from the short ponytail he had it in. He drew his hand back when Felix protested, and watched him try to fix his hair while pouting and grumbling. 

"I can put it up for you, come here," Sylvain offered, reaching over and taking the hair tie, gathering Felix's hair and pulling it together. "You should grow it out longer, if you want. It'd look nice when you let it down, and you could just keep it up if you don't feel doing anything with it. I'll even learn how to braid hair if you do," Sylvain spoke absentmindedly, finishing up with Felix's hair and making sure it was secure enough that it wouldn't all come loose and distract or hinder Felix while he practiced. When it was satisfactory, he patted Felix's shoulder and let him get up, grinning easily at him, so grateful for the time with his closest friend. 

Sylvain didn't expect Felix to extend a hand and pull Sylvain to standing with a nearly fierce determination. If he was being honest, the look inspired more than a small bit of concern, but Sylvain was never one to deny his friend. Though, being asked to practice with him was entirely new, and a little intimidating — That being said, most people weren't exceptional at kendo, and most definitely didn't have an older brother who was also exceptional at kendo and would absolutely be capable of incapacitating him. The odds were stacked against him on this one for sure. 

"You're going to practice with me. I'll teach you some of the basics so you'll know what I mean next time I talk about this." 

"Aw, but Fe! I'm not going to be good at-" 

"It doesn't matter if you're good at it or not. It'll be fine, Sylvain." 

Well, he couldn't argue with that, could he?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hope you all enjoyed! Comments and kudos welcome, and please point out any typos I may have made. Thanks!


End file.
